DBZ Jackass
by shad0w-chan
Summary: After watching Jackass, Goku tries to pull some stunts of his own, and even manages to drag Vegeta into some of them! Extreme insanity ensues. R/R, suggest a stunt! **Chapter 2 Up!**
1. the goldfish

DBZ: Jackass  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------  
  
Yeah. so I was watching jackass the other day, when I thought 'wouldn't it be great to mix the DBZ characters with jackass? So here we are, DBZ Jackass. ^_^ This is my first attempt at a Dragonball Z fic, so don't flame too hard. ^^  
  
*Note*: This is NOT a crossover.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Dragonball Z, jackass, or MTV for you all you lawyer demons out there.  
  
WARNING: The following fic features stunts performed by extremely stupid (as well as extremely tough) Dragonball Z characters. Accordingly, fanfiction.net and the producer must insist that no one attempt to recreate or re-enact any stunt or activity performed in this fic.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------  
  
Goku rang the doorbell of the enormous Capsule Corp. building, and was greeted by Bulma.  
  
"Hey, Goku! What brings you here?" Bulma asked.  
  
"Oh was just wondering if Vegeta wanted to spar. Is he here?" Goku said, looking inside the immaculate building.  
  
"Well Vegeta's training in the gravity room, and he seemed to be especially intent on training this morning, so you best just wait for him to come out. Come in, come in!" Bulma said, ushering Goku inside the house.  
  
"Okay," Goku replied, stepping inside. The second he set foot in the house, a loud crash was heard from upstairs. "IT WASN'T ME!!" Goku said quickly, jumping back outside.  
  
"Don't worry, I know wasn't you." Bulma said as she turned in the direction of the stairs. "TRUNKS!!! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE BROKEN SOMETHING ELSE, OR IT'LL BE NO ALLOWANCE FOR A MONTH FOR YOU!"  
  
Bulma headed up the stairs. "Goku, feel free to watch TV or something while I'll take car of my son. just don't eat anything. I'm sure Vegeta will be hungry when he comes out of the GR," she said, heading upstairs.  
  
Goku listened to some more crashes come from the second story, and heard screams from both Trunks and Bulma. He sat down on the couch next to an enormous fish tank, and turned on the TV.  
  
"Oh good! Teletubbies is on!" he said as he bounced happily on the sofa. He sat there watching the show for about three minutes before it ended. "Aww... and some educational show is on next. Hm. I wonder what else is on?"  
  
Goku flipped through the channels for a couple minutes before landing on MTV. On the screen was a picture of a midget dressed as an Oompa Loompa skateboarding down a boardwalk. "AAAAHAHAHAHAHA!" Goku laughed as he set the remote down and watched as the next stunt came on, titled "the goldfish".  
  
* * *  
  
About 25 minutes later, a very tired and very hungry Vegeta walked in the house from the gravity room. From what he could hear, Bulma and Trunks were upstairs arguing about some broken antique. He didn't care though, and he walked into the kitchen to eat some food.  
  
He walked over the refrigerator and open the door, but found nothing. "WOMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" he yelled at the top of his lungs upstairs. "WHERE IS MY FOOD?!!?!?" but to no avail, as his earth-shaking yells were no match for the power and volume of both Trunks' and Bulma's yelling voices combined.  
  
He walked toward the stairs, when the smell of tuna reached his nose. He followed the smell to the couch, and when he got there, he saw none other than Goku sitting there, finishing a can of tuna. Food wrappers lay scattered on the floor, couch, and even in the fish tank. Goku was laughing his head off, spitting half chewed tuna all over the room.  
  
"KAKAROT!" Vegeta yelled, stepping in front of the TV. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"  
  
"Veggie, could you please move? I'm trying to watch this show!" Goku said, trying to see around the enraged Saiyan prince.  
  
"SHOW? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING IN MY HOUSE??" Vegeta demanded, turning picking Goku up by the neck of his gi.  
  
"I came over to spar with you but you were training and so I was gonna wait for you to get done and then Trunks broke something so Bulma went upstairs and so she said to watch TV so I did and there was this funny show and I was watching it and I always get hungry when I watch TV and so I got some food and then the more I ate the more I got hungry and so I ate some more and you're standing in front of me and I can't see so could you please move?" Goku said quickly.  
  
"DAMMIT KAKAROT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!" Vegeta yelled. Goku started to protest, but the fighting upstairs abruptly stopped, and Bulma's angry voice was heard from upstairs.  
  
"VEGETA, HE'S A GUEST IN OUR HOUSE AND HE CAN STAY IF HE WANTS TO!"  
  
Vegeta mumbled something under his breath, dropped Goku back onto the couch, and sat down on the opposite end of the couch from Goku. "Well as long as you HAVE to be here, give me some of that food," Vegeta said as Goku handed him a (surprisingly) unopened can of tuna.  
  
Goku turned back to the show and immediately began laughing as well as spitting food all over the place again.  
  
"Ack. disgusting." Vegeta said as he tried to move farther away from Goku. "By the way, what is this garbage show anyway?"  
  
"Hm, I think it's called Jackass, but anywho these guys do these crazy stunts and they're so hilarious! I wanna be just like them!" Goku said with starry eyes.  
  
"Why the hell do you want to be like those lousy humans anyway? They're just pathetic weaklings trying to make themselves look 'cool'." Vegeta said as he shoved tuna in his mouth.  
  
Goku shrugged. "But they ARE cool, and they're really funny. There was some disclaimer at the beginning of the show that said not to copy the stunts, but I guess it's for normal humans or for copyright issues or something. So it must be okay if we do it right? 'Cause we're saiyans. stuff like that probably wouldn't hurt us."  
  
"I still think they're imbeciles," Vegeta said, though he couldn't help chuckling as a guy pretending to be blind ran over a pedestrian with his car.  
  
Vegeta and Goku pretty much watched the rest of the show in peace; their only disruption was when Goku ate the very last can of tuna. The show ended, and Goku stood up.  
  
"There was this one stunt at the beginning of the show where one of the guys swallowed this goldfish and the spit it back out after he ate it by sticking his hand in his mouth. Do you think I could do that?"  
  
Vegeta didn't respond, but rather was searching the ground for any remaining bits of tuna. Goku walked over the fish tank and pulled out a fish.  
  
"I bet I could do it." Goku said, ignoring the silent saiya-jin prince. "Well, here goes!" he said, sticking the fish in his mouth. He moved his jaw up and down a couple times, and swallowed. He then stuck his hand in his mouth, but nothing happened.  
  
"What? Why doesn't it work? I don't understand!!" Goku whined after many attempts to regurgitate the poor fishy.  
  
Vegeta sighed. "Baka Kakarot, perhaps it would help if you didn't CHEW the fish beforehand?" Vegeta stood up. "You're a disgrace to saiyans with your brain capacity."  
  
"Ohhhh okay." Goku reached into the fish tank and pulled out another fish. "I hope you don't end up like your friend, Mr. Fishy! And by the way," Goku said, patting and look to his stomach, "I'm sorry I chewed you and made you die a painful death, other Mr. Fishy." After a moment of silence for the poor devoured fish, Goku popped the second squirming fish into his mouth. And (without chewing) swallowed it.  
  
"AAAGAAAHGA! It squirr-r-ms-z." he said, clutching his throat. Vegeta sighed audibly from the floor where he was still searching for tuna. His search being unsuccessful, he stood up.  
  
"This should be entertaining," Vegeta chortled as he watched Goku making strange expressions while holding onto his throat. Goku shoved his hand in his mouth, attempting to regurgitate the half-swallowed fish, and ended up spitting water and fragments of chewed tuna onto the carpet.  
  
"DAMMIT KAKAROT, NOT ON THE FRICKIN' CARPET!" Vegeta yelped, grabbing Goku by the arm and dragging him to the kitchen sink. He stuck an empty tuna can into the drain to plug it, and Goku once again stuck his hand in his throat. He threw up more water, more tuna bits, and what appeared to be the tail of fishy number one.  
  
"Ughhhh. Kakarot, I think I'm going to be sick." Vegeta said queasily. Goku stopped forcing himself to vomit and stated, "Do you think the fish will need water when he comes out? I mean he might be dehydrated or something, or maybe he'll want a bath."  
  
Vegeta turned away, clutching his stomach, so Goku filled up the sink anyway. Now there were tuna bits and fish #1's tail floating around in the murky water. Five minutes and sixteen upchuckings later, Goku stopped.  
  
"Bleh. this is hurting my throat. it only took the guy on TV like five times! Okay, one more time. c'mon little fishie." Goku said groggily as he once again shoved his hand in his mouth. Out came even more tuna bits, a banana peel, and, alas, the second fish. Whole.  
  
"YAY! YAY! VEGETA! COME LOOK!" Goku exclaimed. He grabbed the sickly looking prince and dragged him to the sink filled with an assortment of food particles iand/i fish #2. The fish was somewhat wiggling on his side, struggling to actually swim. Goku picked the poor fish up out of the water and held it in his hands. "I'm going to name you Shiskabob. You're the greatest fishy ever!" he said happily to the pathetic looking fish.  
  
"What. Shiskabob? Why?" Vegeta said.  
  
"I dunno. I'm hungry, and I was going to name him Bob but that's too boring. So, SHISHKABOB!" Goku said, holding Shiskabob up in the air. He walked back over to the fish tank and put Shiskabob back in, where he sunk the bottom in a failing attempt to swim.  
  
"C'mon Veggie, I'm sure there is a lot of other great stunts we could try! Those guys on Jackass have really inspired me!" Goku said, with all seriousness. He dragged Vegeta through the room and out the door.  
  
* * *  
After winning a verbal battle again Trunks (who had "accidentally" broken an antique chair into tiny, charred pieces), Bulma walked downstairs to get herself a drink. She needed something to relax, she was way too stressed right now. She looked at the mess of tuna cans and food wrappers in the living room, and sighed. "Goku, you stupid baka.you'll never change."  
  
She walked into the kitchen, and went into the refrigerator grabbing a Diet Coke. (Goku hadn't taken those. they're healthy! Of course he wouldn't eat them. ^^) On the way out she passed the sink. She saw it was filled with water, and walked over to empty it. On second look at the contents of the sink, which included tuna, a banana peel, goldfish bits, and a stick of chapstick, she turned green in the face and promptly fainted.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------  
  
WOOT! That took me for frickin' ever to type! Bear with me if this chapter seems kinda boring. it will get better. There are far more interesting stunts ahead for our two saiyans. ::evil smirk::  
  
I will love you forever if you review! So just press that little button down there that says 'go' and write me a review! I don't care how short or long, or if you flame. Be forewarned, flamers, you run a risk of being insulted the next chappie if you do flame.  
  
Also, if anyone knows how to put bold and italic fonts in a fic, tell me. I've been trying by putting in the html tags like b bold /b and i italics /i, but it won't work. ::shrugs::  
  
Expect another chapter soon (hopefully), and if you liked this and while you're waiting on the next chapter, check out my other fic, "Worst Nightmare" (it's an Invader Zim fic, btw). Ja ne! ^_^  
  
.:: rice ::. 


	2. shopping carts

Woot! Seven reviews! That's the most I've ever gotten off one chapter. Thanks to FireFairyGirl, Kamela, Ironmaiden, Starsaber, and Dragon Empress for reviewing. Also, a special thanks to Hitokiri Battousai for the HTML tips, but I'm too lazy to put them in this chappie. ^^ Anyway, onto chapter two!  
  
**This is NOT a crossover.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z, Jackass, or MTV. I do, however, own this Goku action figure. With super kicking action! ::uses action figure Goku to super-kicking-action-kick evil lawyers away::  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
WARNING: The following fic features stunts performed by extremely stupid (as well as extremely tough) Dragonball Z characters. Accordingly, fanfiction.net and the producer must insist that no one attempt to recreate or re-enact any stunt or activity performed in this fic.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
DBZ Jackass :: Chapter Two  
  
Goku dragged Vegeta down the sidewalk, babbling about the wondrous Johnny Knoxville, Bam Magera, and all the other people on Jackass.  
  
"But let me tell you, this Johnny Knoxville was the best. He would do anything! I want to be just like him. He's so cool! And." Goku ranted on.  
  
Vegeta yanked his arm free of Goku's clutch. "Where are we going anyway that you have to drag me there?"  
  
"Actually, you know what, I don't even know. I guess I was just talking so much I didn't really notice where we were going. I guess we're going to do more stunts. Yeah. That would be awesome. Maybe we c-" Goku stopped in mid- sentence and in walking.  
  
"What is it, Kakarott," Vegeta said, annoyed.  
  
Goku merely pointed at a hobo sitting next to a grocery cart on a sidewalk across the street. "So. it's a pathetic bum. What the hell is so special about that??" Vegeta spat. But before Vegeta could even finish his sentence, Goku had rushed across the street. The hobo looked up at the grinning, spiky-haired man standing in front of him.  
  
"Can I borrow this??" Goku asked excitedly to the sad-looking vagrant.  
  
"Well." the hobo began slowly. "Okay! Thanks!" Goku interjected as he grabbed the shopping cart, dumped out its contents (which included mainly empty beer cans and a few rats), and skipped back across the street to Vegeta.  
  
"Look, Vegeta, LOOK!" Goku said, shoving the shopping cart into Vegeta face.  
  
"I can see it, Kakarott! Now get it out of my face!" Vegeta said angrily, pushing the shopping cart and Goku aside. "Why do you need that, though? It's a grocery cart, for Kami's sake."  
  
"Sure it's just a shopping cart, but think of the great stunts we could do! Races! Extreme shopping! Running people over!!" Goku said excitedly. "But most especially, races. We could race this thing down the street so fast! And then crash it into stuff! C'mon, Vegeta! It would be a different competition between us, instead of just power and stuff. Would you race me? We could find another shopping cart!"  
  
"No thanks, Kakarott. You can go ahead and be an idiot by yourself." Vegeta said as he began to walk in the opposite direction.  
  
"Aww, come on Vegeta! It would be so fun!" Goku said, following him.  
  
"No. I'm not going to make a fool of myself for the sake of you trying to be like those pathetic jackass humans!" Vegeta voiced.  
  
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease Veggie??" Goku pleaded.  
  
"No. And don't EVER call me Veggie. EVER."  
  
"PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAASE??????"  
  
"No."  
  
"Please???"  
  
"No."  
  
"Please???"  
  
"No."  
  
"Please???"  
  
"No."  
  
"Please???"  
  
"No."  
  
Goku stopped. "Okay, fine. I guess you're just afraid that you'll lose."  
  
Vegeta turned around and faced Goku. "What was that?"  
  
"Yeah, you heard me. You're afraid you lose. Lose to a weak, "low-class" Saiyan like me, aren't you?"  
  
Vegeta walked toward Goku. "What?! Me, the prince of ALL saiyajins, lose to a pathetic baka like you? No. Never."  
  
"Then race me. Race me, or be forever a chicken."  
  
A vein bulged in Vegeta's temple. "No, just not racing."  
  
"Chickennnnnn," Goku teased, imitating a chicken. "Moo! Moooo! Mooo! Chicken!"  
  
"What??"  
  
"MOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
"Chickens don't moo, baka."  
  
"Well you would know, wouldn't you.. CHICKEN?!?!" Goku continued mooing and flapping his arms.  
  
"Shut up Kakarott!"  
  
"MOOO! MOOOOOO! MOOOOOO! CHICKEN!" Goku continued to flap his arms like a chicken. "Looks like poor widdle Veggie is afraid to lose to Goku in a test of shopping cart skills!"  
  
"Kakarott.." Vegeta growled.  
  
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
"Shut the hell up!"  
  
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  
  
"OKAY FINE! JUST SHUT UP WITH THAT INCESSANT MOOING!"  
  
Goku stopped acting like a chicken, and threw his arms up in the air. "YAY!"  
  
"Baka," Vegeta muttered. "But understand, your ass will be kicked. Nobody defeats the saiyajin prince at ANYTHING. Pah."  
  
"Whatever you say," Goku laughed. "Now, to find you a shopping cart."  
  
* * * About ten minutes later, with no success in finding another shopping cart laden hobo, Goku decided it would just be easier to "borrow" a shopping cart from a nearby grocery store. After taking the shopping cart, the saiyans set off in search of a steep road worthy of racing on.  
  
The two took off into the air, with several stares from pedestrians. I guess it's not really a normal thing to see two full-grown men flying through the air holding shopping carts.  
  
They flew a couple of miles, and finally found a road at a steep incline. Perfect for racing in shopping carts. I guess.  
  
"Okay, we'll go from the top of this hill to the end of the street," Goku said, pointing down to the end of the road, a little more than a mile away. "First one there, wins. No rules besides that, except you have to stay on the road. No flying."  
  
"Fine," Vegeta said, landing and placing his shopping cart at the top of the hill. Goku stood next to his shopping cart, and patted the handle bar. "Okay, Hobo 3000, we're gonna win!"  
  
"Hobo 3000. what?" Vegeta spat, turning to his opponent. "And why are you talking to your shopping cart?"  
  
"That's its name! The Hobo 3000!" Goku said cheerfully. (A/N: I had a shopping cart named The Hobo 3000 once, but I didn't find it the same way Goku did. ^^) "And I have to talk to it. It's good luck, I guess. Doesn't your shopping cart have a name??"  
  
"Of course not, baka! It's a shopping cart!" Vegeta said pissedly. (A/N: Pissedly is my word. I made it up. It means 'to say in a pissed manner.')  
  
"But you have to name it Veggi- er, Vegeta. It'll make it more fun!" Goku whined.  
  
"Fine." Vegeta muttered. "It'll be called the Gonnakickkakarotsassatthisbakathing. Happy?"  
  
"That's an odd name. Kinda long, so I guess you could call it the 'gonnakickkak' for short." Goku pulled a pair of goggles out of his pocket and stuck them on his head, and stood behind the 'Hobo 3000', hands on the handle bar. Vegeta stood behind his cart as well, and also pulled a pair of goggles out of his non-existent pocket, and shoved them over his head.  
  
"Ready?" Goku asked.  
  
"Sure," Vegeta said unenthusiastically.  
  
"Okay! Ready. GO!!!"  
  
br  
  
Woot! Cliffy. kinda. Somewhat of an uneventful chapter, yeah, but don't worry, the next chapter will be a WHOLE lot better. Goku vs. Vegeta, The Hobo 3000 vs. Gonnakickkakarotsassatthisbakathing. Yay!  
  
I'm going on vacation in about two weeks, and I'll post another chapter before then. I should have access to a computer while I'm gone though, so I'll possibly post another chapter then too.  
  
And, if you'd like to, you can REQUEST A STUNT! It could possibly appear in the fic after the next chapter or two! Try to describe it in kinda detail like what they did and what happened to the person performing the stunt. Note though, it's not guaranteed that your idea will appear, it depends if I can write it. ^_^; So just send in those suggestions with your reviews! Keyword, REVIEW!  
  
.:: rice ::. 


End file.
